The Incomparable Tradition of Texas Hoops

ESPN: AUSTIN, Texas -- The University of Texas will retire jersey numbers of nine athletes in three sports in ceremonies during the 2008-09 school year, Texas athletic director DeLoss Dodds announced Friday. Included in the group will be football players Vince Young, Bobby Layne and Tommy Nobis; baseball players Greg Swindell, Burt Hooton, Scott Bryant and Brooks Kieschnick; and basketball players Kevin Durant and Slater Martin.

How about that for tradition huh? In and out in a single year and the Texas brass elevate your number to "never to be worn again" status. I get that he was Naismith Player of the Year in 2007 but the guy only played a grand total of 35 games and failed to lead the team past the second round of the NCAA tournament. If I've done my math correctly that means he only wore a Texas uniform for a total of 23 hours and 33 mins max. He barely even rocked #35. And now the powers that be aren't gonna let anyone else wear it ever again. Pretty impressive stuff Kevin. If that's the way they want to run things down there I've gotta believe Brian Boddicker should at least be worthy of a plaque.

Do You Know Who My Dad Is?!?!?!

Chicago Tribune- IOWA CITY, Iowa - The daughter of a former Iowa State football coach allegedly struck and threatened a police officer and told him all charges would be dropped because of her last name and because the family has "a lot of money." Police say Jillian McCarney also told officers her father would fight them and threatened violence against them several times. According to the police report, McCarney asked the officer, "Do you know who my dad is? He is Dan McCarney."

I could really give two shits about this story until I saw the mug shot of poor little Jillian, then I was intrigued. I don't care what she said or did, all I know is she likes to party. No doubt in my mind she was 2 grams deep and on her way down. I will be absent the next 3 days, I am packing my shit and heading to Iowa City to do some blow with this bitch! And you know you'd hit it...

Kansas State suspends Clemente for physical play

ESPN- MANHATTAN, Kan. -- Kansas State suspended leading scorer Denis Clemente for Tuesday night's game against North Carolina Central for his rough play against Kansas last weekend.

This has been a growing problem in college basketball the last few weeks. Devin Dumes was guilty for IU, Chase Butinger had his faced stomped on in a game against Houston, and then Clemente on Saturday. I was about to give Kansas State head coach Frank Martin some props for the suspension, then I realized they are playing North Carolina Central and Clemente wouldn't be needed anyway. Way to set a presidence coach Martin, I hope you lose.

Gamblers Anonymous Pick of the Day: Seton Hall at Marquette -12

I really shouldn't have to explain this one but I will...Marquette is coming off a two game losing streak that included an absolute embarassment at South Florida and a rather uninspired effort at Villanova. Now the Golden Eagles finally return home where they absolutely dominate their Big East opponents. Seton Hall has really picked up the pace of late and have reeled of victories in 5 of their last 6. Pretty impressive feat for a Big East team. Oh wait, 4 of those 5 victories came against Depaul, St. Johns, and Rutgers; the whale shit of the Big East. Look for a big defensive effort from Marquette tonight as they roll to an easy 15 point victory.

Gambling Problem? Call 1-800-betsoff

A-Rod Points Finger at Cousin

CNN/SI- Rodriguez says a cousin, whom he would not identify, first introduced him to a substance he referred to as "Boli" that could be purchased in the Dominican Republic and brought to the United States.
"My cousin and I, one more ignorant than the other, decided it was a good idea to start taking it," Rodriguez said in a prepared statement before the question and answer portion of his press conference.

Really A-Rod? I mean seriously, grow a pair and take full responsibility for your actions. Don't throw your cousin under the bus and blame him. I gave you a pass when you decided to throw your shriveled dick in post 1984 Madonna instead of your wife. However, I can't turn my head on this one. You were asked by a reporter if you cheated the game and you claim that's not for you to decide. Dude, you cheated, just say "yes." Now its time to move on, even though ESPN won't. The good news is Tim Kurjian can finaly discontinue his Viagra prescription because he gets off on this shit. I don't buy the "young and stupid" excuse either. You know why? You had been in the league for 8 years prior to the period in question. I hope you had enough respect for the game to admit everything today. If you didn't and more information is revealed, say goodbye to any Hall of Fame chances you have left.

Landry To Forego NBA: Sign Deal With LensCrafters

Madison,WI: NBA riches aren't always a sure thing. Just ask Korleone Young. For many seniors and underclassman the decision to roll the dice and enter themselves into the NBA draft poses a difficult and uncertain risk. However, when the curtain falls on the 2009 college basketball season this April the decision for Marcus Landry should be an easy one. Faced with similar uncertainty regarding his draft status Landry was offered an unconventional endorsement deal with national eyewear retailer LensCrafters.

Therefore its expected that at the conclusion of the 2009 season Landry, a senior forward at The University of Wisconsin, will announce the deal which will make him the LensCrafters spokesman through 2020. Terms of the deal have not yet been disclosed. In a statement released through the university on Tuesday Landry commented, "Growing up it was difficult knowing that I couldn't see as far as the other kids. I'd be lying if I said the insults didn't occasionally affect me. Thankfully the generosity of LensCrafters has afforded me the opportunity to parlay my genetic shortcomings into a lucrative and stable career. And for that I am extremely grateful."

For the less fortunate however, the decision whether or not to declare still looms. And the clock is ticking. The 2009 NBA draft is scheduled to take place in Madison Square Garden on June 25th.

Gamblers Anonymous Pick of the Day

I aint gloatin', but I told ya so! How bout them Saints, keep on rollin! Good to see Mr. Higgins will be able to put food on the table the next two weeks.

Michigan Schedules Week 1 Bye In Hopes Of Ending Season Opening Losing Streak Once And For All

Ann Arbor, MI: When the college football season kicks off this upcoming September a suddenly all too familiar groan will be absent from The Big House in Ann Arbor, Michigan. In a bold move, athletic director Bill Martin announced today that the University of Michigan will be abandoning their customary week 1 scheduling protocol of playing Non-BCS/FCS teams in favor of sitting at home and watching everyone else play on TV. The decision comes on the heels of two consecutive season opening losses where the heavily favored Wolverine football program found themselves upended by opponents scheduled "for entertainment purposes only."

Said Martin, "We needed a tourniquet. There was a time when we were accustomed to seeing our national championship hopes dashed on that last Saturday in November. Lately that hasn't been the case. To lose in the Big House during week one of the season is not only inexcusable; it's embarrassing. And in this economy I just don't see the logic in paying someone $775,000 to come into our house and kick our ass." Head coach Rich Rodriguez apparently has also indicated his support for the move but was unavailable when reached for comment.

When asked his thoughts on the decision incumbent quarterback Steven Threet added, "I think it makes sense. It's like slow playing a hand in poker. The more teams that lose before we do, the better chance we have of making it into the Top 25."

Whether or not the decision will pay dividends for the program remains to be seen. However there is one thing that is for certain. When the clocks tick down to zero on that first football saturday in September there will still be room for optimism in Ann Arbor.

Gamblers Anonymous Pick of the Day: Siena -5 at Iona

Prior to the college hoops season many experts thought Siena would be the newest mid-major Cinderella story come tourney time. Siena got off to a slow start and the hype was gone. However, the Saints are 15-2 since Christmas and have dominated the MAAC with a 14-1 record. Iona is struggling this season with a 12-14 record, 7-8 in conference with 5 of those 7 victories coming against the bottom 3 teams in the MAAC. Homecourt advantage won't be a factor tonight as Siena rolls to an easy road win. Take Siena -5 on the road! I'm so confident I would bet Mr. Higgins entire unemployment check on it!

El Hombre to sit out WBC

According to stltoday.com Albert Pujols will not compete in the World Baseball Classic due to insurance issues. I couldn't be happier with this decision. Pujols is coming off elbow surgery in October and needs to be 100% when the season starts. I know it's imporant to El Hombre to represent the Dominican Republic in the WBC but the Cardinals don't have a prayer if he ends up on the D.L. all season.

Phil Mickelson and Dale Earnhardt Jr. Should be Best Friends

Can someone please explain to me what the infatuation is with these two losers in their respective sports? Phil has proven time and time again that he chokes down the stretch and manages to make the impossible, possible. Don't agree? How about his peformance on 18 at Winged Foot or his disaster on 13 at Torrey Pines last season. Same can be said for Jr. who again managed to be penalized for pit stop infractions and consequently put him a lap down. As if that wasn't enough, he caused the caution flag that would ultimately decide the final order of the race when the rains came, nice one Dale.

It should be assumed that success breeds popularity when you scan the worlds most beloved athletes, yet Phil and Jr. aint that great compared to their peers. Mickelson does have 34 Tour victories which is 13th all-time and 3 major championships. These numbers represent a hall of fame career in the world of golf, yet they could be better if Lefty would sack up one time and knock off the "I'm just happy to be in contention" bullshit. Are you happy with losing? No wonder your wife cheats on you. Get a new wardrobe, slim down a bit, quit being so fucking happy to be there, and don't show your face on Entourage every again. You ruined my Sunday evening with that cameo, I wonder who Amy had to suck off to get you that appearence. Or maybe Tiger couldn't do it because he was hanging out with MJ in Dubai?

Now lets focus on Dale Jr. Dude, I get it, your dad was the greatest driver of all time and had brass balls. He was a closer and got the job done. You on the other hand are mediocre at best. Your 17 Nextel Cup victories ranks you 40th all time and you have yet to win a Cup Championship. You, like Phil, let your peers consistently beat your ass. Jimmie Johnson and Tony Stewart both double you in Nextel Cup victories and each own 2 Cup Championships. I know everyone loves you and alot of people hate Tony Stewart but when the sun sets, I would rather be in the winners circle chugging milk and making it rain Pepsi all over the pit crew.

I think these two suffer from the Brett Favre Syndrome. They really aren't that great, have a couple of big wins, and the media prematurely ejaculates when covering them.

From a friend of a friend of a friend: Cavs to swap Szczerbiak and Hickson for Suns Stoudemire

Say those prayers Cavs fans it appears as though Steve Kerr isn't done fisting the Suns franchise just yet! The preliminary word out of the Buckeye state has the Suns sending their 6'10" All-Star power forward to the Cavs in exchange for guard Wally Szczerbiak, forward JJ Hickson, and a draft pick. Those close to the Cavs say GM Danny Ferry may even try to sweeten the deal by including two basketballs and an autographed pair of LeBron James sneakers. (I kid about the last part)

Now this isn't a done deal yet but either way I'm pretty fucking excited. I mean we haven't had a power forward with some balls since Boozer packed up and left town. Just the thought of Mo Williams, Bron, and Amar'e gliding down the court for a 3 on 2 break made my dick move. I've got my fingers crossed...Somebody get me Stephen A. Smith on the line!

Missouri Tigers a #3 Seed in Latest Bracketology

Joe Lunardi has released his latest bracket predictions for the field of 65 and this week Missouri comes in as a 3 seed in the Midwest Region. If this holds true, the Tigers will most likely play their opening round games on the east or west coast and then return to Indianapolis for their Final Four run. Missouri has won 9 out of their last 10 conference games with victories against Baylor, Texas, and Kansas. They are off until Saturday before running the gauntlet to end the season with games at Kansas and Texas A&M while they will host Kansas State and Oklahoma. With 7 days in between games it's imperative for Coach Mike Anderson to keep his squad focussed and Leo Lyons out of jail. In reality, after Missouri beats Colorado on Saturday, they will have to win 3 of 4 and 2 games in the Big 12 tournament to hold this seed. M-I-Z!!!

Madonna Circa 1984 vs. Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger

Classic David vs. Goliath matchup here and I gotta admit, if these two approached me at a bar and I had to decide on the spot, Nicole would take the cake, hands down. But since we know enough about these two, intangibles will be the deciding factor. The intangible to focus on with these two is kinkyness. Madonna Circa 1984 is that chick you knew could snap your dick off before you had time to remove the french rolls from your favorite faded denims. She wanted it anywhere and anytime. There is no doubt in my mind that 1984 Madonna would try anything once and maybe twice. 1984 likes to fuck and Nicole likes to make love...that shit is just boring. I will leave you with this..."Like a virgin, touched for the very first time."

Flounder wants to debate me on this so I figure since we're gonna have ourselves a friendly argument it's probably a good idea to specify what my definition of intangibles are. The who, what, when, where, and why. So here's the who. Nicole Scherzinger. She's the lead singer of The Pussycat Dolls (or PCD as we here at the scoop like to refer to them). I'm pretty confident we're gonna get married someday so I did some background research in order to give us a little something to talk about on our honeymoon. Somehow she ended up at Wright State University. Not too sure how that happened but I think I'm speaking for all Ohioan's when I ask what the fuck? She's insanely hot. A 12 on a 10 scale. The type of chick that when you're hooking up with her you almost can't wait for it to be over so you can get on the phone to tell your friends. The what? Simple. I'd do whatever she wanted. Anything. I'd even listen to her CD and I fucking hate pop music. That said, I think the when and the where are pretty much self-explanatory so I think I'll save everyone time and let you be the judge .