NCAA Inquiry Links MSU's "Sparty" To Steroid Use: "Purdue Pete" Also Implicated

Indianapolis, IN: Step aside A-Rod it appears as though the NCAA has something it'd like to get off its chest. The steroid epidemic, which for the past several years has scarred professional sports and athletes alike, has apparently trickled down to the ranks of collegiate athletics. In a three year long investigation the NCAA Rules Committee has confirmed that multiple athletes at the Division 1 level have tested positive for performance enhancing drugs. The investigation, which tested anyone involved with athletics at the D1 level, will conclude today when NCAA President Myles Brand travels to the nations capital to testify before a congressional hearing committee.

Speaking to a throng of media outside NCAA headquarters in Indianapolis this morning Brand stated, "This is a sad day for the NCAA and collegiate athletics. I think I'm speaking on behalf of many of those involved with the investigation when I say that we never anticipated the type of results which we have received. We honestly felt that the signs just weren't there. To say that we are flabbergasted right now would be an understatement."

In a 1200 page affadavit that will be submitted today, Brand contends that of the 342 Division 1 institutions tested for performance enhancing substances over 140 individuals have been confirmed as testing "positive." Some notable names of mention include Michigan State Universitys "Sparty," Notre Dame head football coach Charlie Weis, "Purdue Pete," and Syracuse guard Eric Devendorf.

When questioned about their alledged involvement officials in East Lansing, MI admitted to suspecting something was amis in 2007 when "Sparty" had requested the University purchase a "large" size helmet. This was a significant departure from the size "small" he had adorned the past 50 years but since little else about the beloved mascot seemed out of the ordinary administrators at the time reserved judgement and complied with Mr. Sparty's request. Both "Sparty" and Michigan State athletic director Mark Hollis have declined comment.

Administrators at The University of Notre Dame however, appeared almost eager to approach the media after they superciliously shrugged off the Commitee's results and pointed to their coaches decided "schematic advantage" as enough evidence to disprove any wrongdoing. While an official close to Purdue University added, "Ultimately it is our hope that the commitee has confused steroids with alcohol. Until we find evidence to the contrary we will provide no further comment at this time"

Although mystified the NCAA continues to move forward with the their case in hopes that the results will deter any future attempt at "cheating." "We're still having a difficult time coming to grips with it. In many of the documented cases concerning professional athletes you can point to glaring statistical increases in their performance. However with the individuals we've sighted there doesn't seem to have been any significant impact in their respective athletic fields for some years now. Maybe they were using them wrong? I don't know. It just doesn't make sense." NCAA Vice President Kevin Lennon added.

Whatever the problem may be it is certain that these recent allegations will cause many to question which sports they can still consider sacred. Ultimately these revelations, if anything, may serve to offer support to youth league parents nationwide who find themselves paranoid about "the big kid" on the Little League team. After today they might not be so crazy after all.